What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
