It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
