While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize