Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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