Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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