I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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