He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
