WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
