Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
