So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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