I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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