Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i now understand why vodka
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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