I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
