Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
