we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
