why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
