How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
