I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
wow bdsm is so cute
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize