Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
