I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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