I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
