I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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