He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize