He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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