How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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