like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
third nipple confirmed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
