We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
