Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
