I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
