so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
