so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
BRING THE BAGELS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
