During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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