I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't notice because vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize