First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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