I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
