4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
