i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
