I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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