You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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