never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
