I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize