I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
