and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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