did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
