Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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