The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
