If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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