So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
