It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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