WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
