no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
