My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
