And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
