is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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