dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
