i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
