A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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