just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
