Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
