That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
