This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
