how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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