Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
