keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize