so that wasnt chicken after all
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
