Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
