i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
