we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there's paper in my vomit.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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