"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
