I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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