There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
