I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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