Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Welp...herpes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
