idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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