At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
