I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
