Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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