Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
