how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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