I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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