my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
