So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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