Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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