how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
