So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
