You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize