this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
