i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
