you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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