they need to just BURY HIM!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
