seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
