I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
