Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
