i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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