My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
