So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
