I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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