What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
