just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
