Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
