i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
