Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
