The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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