I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
and you fell through a lawn chair
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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