He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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