I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
