if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
