next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
