Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
