I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
