Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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