Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
