It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize