I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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