if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
