after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
